Funny Shorts
by A Wordsmith
Summary: If Harry has a bit more snark and a bit more mind - here's how some of the scenes should have played out instead!
1. Chapter 1

Lord Voldemort stood before him, blood red eyes narrowed with hate. His fingers, pale and thin in the moonlight, raised a bone-white wand. " _Imperio_!" He cried out, wand aimed at Harry's head.

Harry desperately tried to flip over, to dodge the sickly blue light speeding towards him. But he had only managed to fall into a slight crouch when it slammed into his chest.

Instantly, Harry felt the spell take hold. He was drifting in that peaceful trance, the world growing out of focus. Words slipped around him, telling him what to do.

 _Bow to death, Harry. Bow to death_.

Harry focused, thinking back to the time with Moody in the classroom. He gathered up his will, preparing to throw it dead onto the spell.

 _Bow to death_.

Harry paused, listening to the words.

Then he grinned and let the Imperio take over his body.

Lord Voldemort watched as Harry grew still after being hit, his movements sluggish and then gone. He raised a single eyebrow. Barty Crouch Jr. had told him the brat could throw off the curse… maybe he was mistaken…

The Death Eaters jeered and laughed at the boy who was staring at the ground, eyes closed. But Harry wasn't moving to bow. Maybe he was throwing it off? Voldemort supposed since he was much more powerful, it would take the brat longer to fight. He readied his wand, eyes flicking around to make sure he didn't miss anything.

But he could not mistake the deep, rambunctious laughter that exploded out from the Potter boy.

Harry collapsed on the cold dirt of the graveyard, tears spilling from his eyes. His chest pounded with laughter and his hands were shaking. His face nearly split open with how much he was laughing, everyone of his teeth shining.

Voldemort did _not_ understand what was going on. He stared at the boy who was only just beginning to recover.

" _Bow to death_ , Voldemort?" Harry choked in laughter. "Do you think I'm an idiot?"

Voldemort didn't have words to say. He looked around, but his Death Eaters were just as confused as him. He opened his mouth to speak, to curse the brat into oblivion for daring to laugh at him when Potter spoke again.

"Well, gosh golly, I wonder if there was any death to be had around here?" Harry pushed himself up to his feet, shoulders still heaving with laughter. He mock peered around, hands on his hips. "It don't seem like we do!"

" _I_ am your death, insolent child," Voldemort hissed. The arrogance of this brat was unbelievable. His wand flicked, ready to just kill the brat instead of toying with him.

"Voldie." Harry grinned as Voldemort scowled. "I'm not an idiot. I had to take French in Primary."

Voldemort paused, confused, before his eyes widened.

"Your name _literally_ translates to 'Flight of Death'. Forgive me if I'm not terrified."

* * *

 **Hey! Just a little idea I had. I might post new, weird stories that I think of. I hope you enjoy!**

 **Please read and review!**

 **Frost OUT!**


	2. Chapter 2

"Lord Harry Potter-Black-Peverell-Gryffindor-Ravenclaw-Hufflepuff-Slytherin-Gaunt-Riddle-Bones-Abbot-Lika-Darlia-Smith-Fletchley-McGonagall-Dumbledore-Mycroki, it is time for you to receive your rings."

The goblin fixed him with a pointed stare, his pointy teeth and pale tan skin so different from Harry's own. He snapped his fingers, saying something quickly in Gobbledegook.

A goblin standing next to his magnificent desk of pure gold inlaid with liquid rubies nodded, speeding off. There were a few seconds of awkward silence until the goblin reappeared. But Harry couldn't see him at all; it was just a moving stack of boxes.

Harry simply stared at the towering stack of boxes. There were different colors for each box, from a dark red to a brilliant purple. Harry shot a look from goblin to goblin, from the one at the desk to the one carrying the boxes.

The one at the desk simply grinned at him with dagger-like teeth, before gesturing to his desk. One at a time, the goblin began to set out the boxes, and with every new one, the desk became more and more cluttered. But the goblin only moved his claws away like this was an everyday occurrence.

"Let's start with the Potter ring," the goblin said. Harry nodded.

The goblin pulled out the box closest to him, one that was a dark gold. He pried it open, revealing a dark brown ring burnished with bright golden markings. It had three large diamonds that were a light yellow. They were positioned in a rather circle-like shape, with the largest diamond on the top of the ring. In between the gems was a fancy letter _P_.

Harry stared at it. This was his father's…

"What finger do I put it on?" He asked.

The goblin shot him a look. "It doesn't matter." He raised a single eyebrow. "Are you ready to continue?"

Harry paused, before jamming the ring on his fourth finger. He looked at it before wincing. Those gold finishings and gems were a _bit_ heavy.

Well, he still had more to go. He looked up at the goblin and nodded.

* * *

 _Clink. Clink. Clink._

Hermione looked up, confused. The sound of metal was ringing out through the library where she was studying. She wished that Harry would come back; he had gone to get his Lordships so he could be out from evil Dumbledore's control. She went back to studying, trying to put the clinking out of her mind.

Suddenly, a shadow fell over her book. She looked up and saw the bright green eyes and messy black hair of the person she loved.

"Harry!" She cried, standing up. "You're back!"

Harry nodded, looking slightly pained.

"Did you get your Lordships?" She asked, fearing his worried expression. Did their plan fail? Could they never get free from Dumbledore?

Harry hastily moved forward to console her, and then Hermione heard the same _clink_ she had heard earlier. She frowned.

"It worked," Harry assured her. "Just… not _quite_ as perfectly as we could have thought." Harry raised his hands, and Hermione started to sweat. Did the rings cut off his fingers? Disable him?

Instead, she realized she couldn't see his fingers.

On every single point of his hand, there was a ring. Bright gold ones, dull silver ones, brilliant colors of every hue. Whenever Harry even twitched, they bumped against each other and created the same _clink_.

"I don't quite know how I'll be able to hide these."

* * *

 **Ha! I've never known how Harry could have gotten all of his Lordships and gotten all of the rings. Authors always say that they can 'shrink into one ring', but I don't think they understand that that could cause a blood feud.**

 **Because let's say you're the heir of House Black and House Potter. If you shrink them both and put them together, you're sending a message. And if you keep the Potter face on instead of the Black or vice versa, even if you switch it up every few days, you're saying you like the Potter House more than the Black.**

 **So yeah. That could never work.**

 **Ha!**

 **Please read and review!**

 **Frost OUT!**


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